he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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