U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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