Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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