i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
