ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
