I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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