Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
