I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I believe in your delicious
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
