I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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