yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
