4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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