Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
