is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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