So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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