I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
