Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
