how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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