If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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