So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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