are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm too high and old for this...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
