You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We left the knife in your bed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
