Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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