sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's shark week go big or go home
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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