so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
