dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
