She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had sex on a roof
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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