I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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