I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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