Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
