yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
