I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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