Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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