when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
