that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
