I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
