u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
