i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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