Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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