i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
