Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
