I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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