you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
