I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
