Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My feet surprised me
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