Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
