I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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