i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
