if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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