i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
