Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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